Love's back!

I haven't been or read any blogs from this lately, its prolly cos i write in my own blogspot too lol. But hearin from all of this, it makes me sad. Let me update you guys since we haven't really had any chill days and talk for hours. Its usually just mamas, baby, boo and i. Okay okay.. Honestly, its been hard lately..

So lastnight, i went to this one meeting with my dad cos he wanted me to get life insurance. I know, i know what you guys think. Like WTF?!? Life insurance, you gotta be keedin riiight?! I ain't dyin, i'm still young. But learning from it, i guess it was good to have it early than not have it at all or later on in life. So i learned alot, but i felt like more responsibilities came to me. It was building up so much that i can't take it anymore at this point. I've kept myself positive, and i think i'm doing a pretty good job at it, like foreals. You don't see me sad anymore, i don't get affected by things easily, you know that kind of stuff. Its really hard right now, but i've kept myself strong. I feel like the more age number adds up to my age right now, the more responsibility i have to do. My parents expects so much outta me, comparing me from my older brother, that's 21. Come on, that's 3 years different. I'm still learnin to be an adult at this time, you know. When it comes to money, i feel like i'm broke as fck, its not because i wana pay, its cos i need to pay. Car insurance + life insurance now, and gas since i drive everyday. And other things that i need, I'M BROKE. Makes me feel like i need to work, i have to work. You know... and like sometimes i don't even feel like i'm having that fun when i used to be 17. Like everything is fallin into places where i need to be an adult. I guess, i just need to start accepting the fact that i am an adult now.

Having that talk with my dad lastnight, makes me realize alot of things in life. The day i got grounded, he was making it sound like you guys were using me as a ride. When i know its not even like that, i know. He was saying like, "you can't always have your friends around, your friends can't always depend on you for rides, you can't always be the mom and take care of them since your 18" those kind of stuff. Makes me feel so bad about myself. You know.. and you guys know i hang out with you guys at school, not very much with seniors but i never regret hanging out with you girls, cos i love you girls. You guys are the reason why i'm stronger than i am before. But i guess, parents are just saying those stuff, cos they think its best for me. You guys never heard of freaking at the age of 18, curfew's 11. Haha, like its funny. But i feel like i'm locked since i live under my parents roof. I thought being 18 would be so much easier cos i am an adult now, but its not. Filipino parents, they don't let you out of the house at 18... But then, i don't know what i'd do without my parents. So much responsibility, like foreals. -_______-

Enough about family. So, i've kept my feelings get to me to make me unhappy. And you guys all know that i have hard feelings for this one guy, alex ngo. I ain't gona lie, i really do STILL like him even though we hardly talk now. I had that talk with mamas lastnight, and it felt good letting it all out. But i am proud at myself that i don't get affected by the things i usually get affected by, everybody knows that. I honestly don't know why i still like him, i guess you can say he was WAY different from others. Its a good thing yet a bad thing at the same time. And disneyland is coming up, i REALLY wanted to go with him so bad. But i guess that's not happening, its all good. I'll go by myself (= and the whole keepin my mind real busy, and chillen with some old friends of mines, its workin. lol.

Oh yeah BABY, promise is a promise. I never broke that promise to you that i'm not gona be sad anymore, and i haven't been. I'm good, blogspot and letting it all out helps. ahaha.

I just wana say i love you girls, and i hope you guys understand at this point. Thanks for always listening, and being there for me. Without you guys, i don't think i'll be the same person than i am right now. I'll always be there for you guys, trust. Leavin would be really sad, but its not like ima leave forever. FORNEVER, IT'S ALWAYS MUTHAAAAFUUUHHKAA! (=